Before and after marriage
A couple was having a conversation before their marriage and it went like this:
He: At last!!
She: Do you want to leave me?
He: Don't even think about it!
She: Do you love me?
He: Sure.
She: Do you have another woman?
He: No!! How you dare to ask this?
She: Would you kiss me?
He: In every opportunity that i could have.
She: Would you dare to hit me?
He: Are you crazy, I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Sweetheart!
What happened 10 years after their marriage? Read the conversation from bottom to top.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Farmer's Dog
Farmer's Dog
A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he'd have to sell his dog - a most intelligent animal.
A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this "intelligent" dog.
When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He turned to the dog and commanded, "Hunt."
Immediately the dog took off for the trees, came back a few moments later and barked twice. The farmer said, "He just told me there are two ducks down at the pond."
"That's absurd." said the potential buyer. "Dogs can't count. He was probably just barking for the heck of it."
Just then a duck flew overhead, descended just past the trees and apparently landed on the pond.
"Now send him back and have him count!" said the man.
The farmer again commanded "Hunt!" and off went the dog. He came back shortly and barked three times.
The buyer finally believed the dog was smart and bought him on the spot.
A few days later the man took his new dog out into the woods where he knew there was a pond nearby. He commanded the dog "Hunt!" and the dog took off toward the pond and came back a few minutes later with a stick in its mouth. He came up to the man swinging the stick wildly around and began humping his leg.
"Smart, my ass!" said the new owner and promptly shot the dog.
When he got home he immediately called the farmer to complain. "Some dog you sold me! When I told him to 'hunt' he came back waving a stick and started humping my leg so I shot the queer critter."
And the farmer replied, "You f*cking idiot! He was trying to tell you there were more f*cking ducks than you could shake a stick at!"
A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he'd have to sell his dog - a most intelligent animal.
A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this "intelligent" dog.
When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He turned to the dog and commanded, "Hunt."
Immediately the dog took off for the trees, came back a few moments later and barked twice. The farmer said, "He just told me there are two ducks down at the pond."
"That's absurd." said the potential buyer. "Dogs can't count. He was probably just barking for the heck of it."
Just then a duck flew overhead, descended just past the trees and apparently landed on the pond.
"Now send him back and have him count!" said the man.
The farmer again commanded "Hunt!" and off went the dog. He came back shortly and barked three times.
The buyer finally believed the dog was smart and bought him on the spot.
A few days later the man took his new dog out into the woods where he knew there was a pond nearby. He commanded the dog "Hunt!" and the dog took off toward the pond and came back a few minutes later with a stick in its mouth. He came up to the man swinging the stick wildly around and began humping his leg.
"Smart, my ass!" said the new owner and promptly shot the dog.
When he got home he immediately called the farmer to complain. "Some dog you sold me! When I told him to 'hunt' he came back waving a stick and started humping my leg so I shot the queer critter."
And the farmer replied, "You f*cking idiot! He was trying to tell you there were more f*cking ducks than you could shake a stick at!"
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Not me, but my brother
Not me, but my brother
My brother (being the athletic guy that he once was) used to go jogging every morning. This one weekend morning, he left as per usual while i sat at the kitchen table eating breakfast with the parents. All seemed normal until my brother came running thru the house only 10 minutes after leaving, passing thru the kitchen, on the way to the bathroom, all the while holding his ass. I thought nothing of this until my delicate nostrils were assaulted with this vile horrid stench of what i can only imagine dead cadavers smell like. To make this long story even longer, my dear brother proceeded to throw his shit covered shorts & undies out the ground-floor bathroom window, only to be first discovered by my dog, who was then caught by my mom eating up all my bro's crap. If he knew i posted this...he would kill me.
My brother (being the athletic guy that he once was) used to go jogging every morning. This one weekend morning, he left as per usual while i sat at the kitchen table eating breakfast with the parents. All seemed normal until my brother came running thru the house only 10 minutes after leaving, passing thru the kitchen, on the way to the bathroom, all the while holding his ass. I thought nothing of this until my delicate nostrils were assaulted with this vile horrid stench of what i can only imagine dead cadavers smell like. To make this long story even longer, my dear brother proceeded to throw his shit covered shorts & undies out the ground-floor bathroom window, only to be first discovered by my dog, who was then caught by my mom eating up all my bro's crap. If he knew i posted this...he would kill me.
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